Good god, I should remember why I tried to quit drinking and actually did during a chunk of time back over the spring and summer. Wake up this morning at 7am cause I had to piss, realized after just springing out of bed that I was hungover and sort of shambled into the bathroom. Looked around for a cup, ah there's one with my brother's things, good enough, fill it with water. Drink the whole thing. Fill it again and shamble back to bed. Drink the rest when I get back to bed. I'll wake up in a few hours from that. Try not to puke it up.
Finally, around noon, I think I better get out of bed. Looking forward to the fact that I'm not a weed addict and can smoke some of my birthday chronic after I've woken up a bit. Go into my living room, where the computer is, and god damn there is a mess. First things first, go over to my computer desk and check my bottle of booze I hide in this little corner cubby thing. Well there goes half a fifth. No wonder I feel so great.
Start looking around my room, assessing the damage. Hmm, there is a puddle of water on the other side of my desk. It's sort of pooling down under my scanner and parts of it have a brownish streak that's leaking from this brown cd case I had sitting there. On the other side of my desk (thank god) I've got a bunch of my pictures scattered everywhere. More pictures on the floor. I seem to have moved all my pictures from my bookshelf to the floor. At least only two have actual pictures scattered around. Still trying not to puke, looking forward to that weed to quell my nausea.
I must have been looking at 'em. Pictures of my trip over the summer with my internet friend, my dazed drive through Copperton, some little town I found just driving aimlessly around and had a beer at. That was right in the middle of my not drinking, I remember because I ordered a beer even though I wasn't drinking. There wasn't anywhere else for me to go to get something to drink in this town. Just a bar at the very end of this rode that used to be the main road to get to the Kennecot copper mines. I ordered a beer, took four sips over ten minutes, listened to call these little town outback hicks gossip about their job. I failed to figure out what they did but I did gather that they either all work at the exact same place or they all interact continuosly but work for two places. Trucks were involved, that's all I managed to find out.
Pictures of Autumn too. Like ten of them in a pile. I must have been upset about something. And now I need to clean those up. So I'm straightening my desk up and put these two bottles of pills away (both of them were temazepam) I can't seem to remember if I took my pills yesterday. I have to take the night ones with food so I'm looking around and on the pictures on the floor there is a small plate with some reddish-brown food stain on it. Maybe it was a burrito? Anyway, I must have taken my pills so at least I did one thing right.
Went and took a hit of my weed, turned on some music, and took a 30 minute shower. I didn't even try to not drink yesterday. That's what is bothering me, I realized. Cringing at the idea of having to rub soap on my stomach... does anyone else do that in the shower? I'm sure someone does. So in between bouts of fatness and me half-stumbling for the soap I decided to figure this out. Start with the first fact:
Yesterday, I decided to drink.
Ok, why? Well because it was friday night so I could be hungover saturday. But that wasn't really it... I told that to PerfectPiaffe and then decided it was a great idea. After I had already had two shots. I mean I had decided to drink at work, I think. At some point during the day it just became a foregone conclusion and I gave it no further thought. Like I didn't even try. God damnit, I was doing so well for awhile there too. Try harder, that's all I'm thinking.
oh god, just checked my blog. I need to stop drinking. Time to delete that post.
ugh.
