Been scraping my pipe. It hasn't been used enough, so I drank my brother's vodka instead. He's at work. So I drank. Bad idea, people don't like me when I'm drunk. But, I mean, how do they know? People don't like me when they know I'm drunk.

My BMI today is 18.6 which is not even underweight, it is normal weight, which is officially fat as fuck. It's five pounds higher then a few days ago so I was either really dehydrated then or I'm carrying water now. I was probalby dehydrated again, back when the scale read 140 lbs. All this liquor does that to a man. Dehydrates you, makes you sick in the morning, but flushes you at the same time. I guess it's not all bad eh? I mean when you get alcohol poisoning your body "flushes" itself, which can be a release.

Perfectpiaffe discovered I was drunk tonight, not like I told her, but I didn't hide it. Eventually she asked and I'm not going to lie. She wasn't happy. There's nothing else to do... God sometimes I expect her to tell me it's ok but mostly I want her to read my mind and tell me in advace "don't drink, do this instead."

Stupid ridiculous responsibliity-shifting fantasies I've got.

Anyway, I'm thinking again. Maybe I'm not exactly where I want to be. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know if it's right. I don't know if I'm drowning in a river of sin. I'm just making each day go by, while I watch them, feeling like I'm not even here. I'm just watching this shit go on. I choose and it happens. It makes harsh decisions easy.

I'm not there, I'm pointing the lemmings away from the cliff with both fingers crossed behind my back. And if it works I can gloat that I didn't ahve to rush along the cliffside throwing the lemmings back the wya they came, to wander aimlessly, until they bump into something. Trigger a response in my brain. Thinking everyone is crazy like me... why shouldn't they be..?

So are you as crazy as me or are things different for you?

-Snowden  ¶ 12:08 AM ¶ Home