Hank is my new God.

You'll love Hank to when you've WATCHED THE VIDEO.

Mormon Hankism

Mormonism - If you kiss Hank's ass, after you leave town he'll give you a million dollars. Also, you'll get to wear his designer clothes, live in his condo and drive his Ferrari. Plus, if any of your relatives have already left town, he'll give them a million dollars and Ferraris, too! By the way, we have new, elaborate buildings that you can use to kiss Hank's ass, if you give us money.

Internet Theology

KISS YOUR OWN ASS! "Hank" is an ALIEN UNDERWATER BANKER from the Island of the FAMOUS SEX ACTRESSES who have a whole encyclopedia of recipes with sauerkraut and if you kiss Karl's ass just once and send us three dollars, he'll make sure that you get your a million dollars, and all the sauerkraut you can eat! But wait, there's more! If you're not completely satisfied, Karl will kiss your ass three times! This is a limited time offer, so act now -- Hank's buddies are planning to carpet bomb the town next Wednesday. Did we mention the luscious, mouth-watering sauerkraut?...

Weinerholics Anonymous

1. Admit you are powerless over wieners,
2. and insane too.
3. Convince yourself that this billionaire philanthropist named Hank can cure you.
4. Give almost everything you own to Hank.
5. Take a good look at yourself,
6. and continue to admit to Hank, yourself, and somebody else that you are one sick wiener lover.
7. Find Hank, or send him an email asking for help.
8. Meanwhile, list all the people you pissed off,
9. and make amends to them all— unless they don't want you around.
10. When you screw up and take a little bite of a wiener, don't keep it a secret.
11. Try your darnedest to find Hank's personal telephone number.
12. Do your best to spread these techniques to other wiener abusers.



Hehehehe, anyone but me actually been to an alcoholics anonymous meeting? Yes, this shit does actually amuse me.

Worship Hank here

And if you don't believe in Hank then here's a list of reasons you should. Though those heathens dare call Hank "Bob". Hank will kick the shit out of them for sure.

I've actually written papers on the first four reasons that Bob, I mean Hank, exists. Descartes, you damned dirty bastard....

-Snowden  ¶ 12:01 AM ¶ Home